Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

Since I was in a very good mood today I decided to write some lyrics. They were so awesome I immediately opened UTAU and started to fight work with Neko's English, which is actually very nice to work with. (Any more UTAU using this reclist? I wanna!)

Anyway, I made a beta of the first verse, and I wanted some opinions/critique... If I'm not too bold to ask... It's not really good yet, but I'm psyched and hyper so I wanted to share.

4 Shared link

NEW LINK! NEW!

The 4Shared link has the lyrics too. Tell me what you think of it please!

It's quite... uh... dark? I think I got a bit soul drained.

I'm fighting with English now, too (but not original, of course, I can't do that) and I feel that adding more overlap to the note of "p" (hope -> "hou" "p") it makes it sound a bit less explosive sounding.

But I actually don't speak English very much so can just ignore me.

Lol those lyrics o_o

Uhmm, her English is a little choppy, but understandable. The song itself.. sounds more like a talkloid than a song to me at the moment. Maybe it'll sound different with backing instruments but it doesn't seem to have much of a tune.

Those lyrics really showed you were hyper... lol

But as xMienaiTsubasa said, it sounds a bit like a talkloid, but the english is good :3

I think it's that the intervals seem to only be chromatic...it doesn't sound very much like a melody, but it's hard to tell without an instrumental. XD;
I've never used an English UTAU so I can't really help you there. 8D

...*not at all phased by the lyrics* 8DDD

Agree with above ^^
And sango312 made up the English sounds as she went along, so she's the only one with that reclist w=w

LOL, yeah, I know it sounds a bit too much talkloid... I was trying to get to sleep when suddenly I figured out what was wrong with it, so I'm editing the .UST now. Trying to learn as I go here.

And those lyrics... Well... I tend to write dramatic, dark things when I feel happy. Ignore that. The lyrics get even worse after this so...

And @irei1as, it's not a 'p'-sound, but a 'puh'-sound... So I need to watch out with that overlap, but I'll try it.

Thanks for the critique, you guys!

Oh, I have to use "fu" sometimes for "f", too.
I use the envelope option to mute the vowel part. Not sure if that's the correct option (I feel it more precise than shortening the note) but it kinda works to me.

OK, thanks, I'll keep that in mind!

EDIT:
OK, so I did some things with the Envelope to make it less jumpy... Added more rests (You can never have enough of them) and changed the tone of some things. Also trying to get 'control' of pitch control... I tried addiong vibrato but it makes her sound like she's cold. xD

Anyway, no changed lyrics. Link is here: LINK. Tell me what you think of it. I know it isn't done yet...

It sounds a little smoother, but still a little tuneless ^^' Also the 'I hope' parts sound like 'I hopuh' and I'm finding it kind of annoying.. If you can you should probably cut off the 'uh' sound after the p.

OK, I'll do that.

And I figured out the tune, I now need to edit the .UST...

Edited the 'puh'-sounds to make it 'p'... Tried a melody... It worked out for the first sentence if you ask me. But it sounded better in my head...

http://www.4shared.com/audio/iibOXNf3/I_hope_part_one_beta_the_third.html

smeen wrote:Edited the 'puh'-sounds to make it 'p'... Tried a melody... It worked out for the first sentence if you ask me. But it sounded better in my head...

http://www.4shared.com/audio/iibOXNf3/I_hope_part_one_beta_the_third.html

The 'hope' sounds a lot better ^^ The melody is improving too, although I know what you mean about it sounding better in your head >.< If you can sing what you're thinking, why don't you try singing into pitch monitor or something to get an idea of the tune?

Hmmm, sounds like a plan...

I'll try that, thank you!