I Killed Two Stones with One Bird.

http://blog.esaba.com/projects/facts/index.php
^ yes.

I don't know what I'm doing xDD

Naoto can get Blackjack with just one card.
There's an order to the universe: space, time, Naoto.... Just kidding, Naoto is first.
Naoto doesn't wash its clothes, it disembowels them.
Naoto likes its ice like it likes its skulls: crushed.
Naoto once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made it blink.
Naoto can build a snowman out of rain.
Naoto has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Naoto, 3. Cancer.
Naoto can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
When Naoto is ready to wake up, it tells the sun to get above the horizon.
Naoto doesn't go on the internet, it has every internet site stored in its memory. It refreshes webpages by blinking.
If you gave Naoto a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second it can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare

DOOD!

- For undercover police work, Yuugi pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

WTF?

OK, this one might be true...

- Yuugi doesn't chew gum. Yuugi chews tin foil.

And then this...

- You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink, unless you're Yuugi

Yuugi: Dambn straight!

Ok, one more...

Oh, this one fits him!

- Yuugi is his own line at the DMV.

Hayao proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Hayao: Pewpeww . 3.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Hayao.

Hayao: *pops up between batman and Darth Vader, uses rainbows to defeat them* MANLY!!!

Hayao did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.

Hayao: OTL Somehow, I don't believe this one.

Derp.

Mr. T once defeated Rei in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Rei invented racism.

Rei: これは何と書いてあるのですか？

The 11th commandment is "Thou shalt not piss off Rei" This commandment is rarely enforced, as it is impossible to accomplish.

Rei: いいえ、真剣に、何を、これは言う？

Rei is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Rei: ピンク？カルー？翻訳は私のためにしてください！ティーチ私は英語！

Karu: Isn't his name supposed to be Wally? /shot/ What the hell was that?

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Rei.

Karu: I shall translate! 時ブギーマンがスリープ状態になると、彼はレイのための彼のクローゼットをチェックします。

Rei: この辺り最後に、何かが作りは感覚！

Trace actually owns IBM. It was an extremely hostile takeover.
Twas very bloody even I was scared D:
Sami qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.
I didn't know the government's drugs and stuff allowed her to go that fast o.O
There are two types of people in the world... people that suck, and Ieson.
Haha! so true :3
Tree doesn't play "hide-and-seek." It plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Cuz we all know what'll happen if Tree finds you (bow chika bow wow ;3)
For undercover police work, Eert pins its badge underneath its shirt, directly into its chest.
it's true Eert used to do this, then Eert thought "screw badges i'm using artichokes"

1. Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Kirin beats all 3 at the same time.
   
2. Some people say that Kirin is a myth. Those "some people" are now dead.
   
3. Kirin stared evil in the face, and it backed down.
   
4. The last digit of pi is Kirin. She is the end of all things.
   
5. When you play Monopoly with Kirin, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.
   
6. 4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend Kirin as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.
   
7. You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Kirin will find you and kill you.
   
8. According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Kirin walks.
   
9. There are no races, only countries of people Kirin has beaten to different shades of black and blue.
   
10. Kirin invented black. In fact, she invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
    

replacing Chuck Norris's name in there, eh?

Tom Cruise invented pink?

The guy needs a reward!

Chuck Norris facts, eh? I'll make some ones for Aline in the same line. Replace "Roundhouse Kick" by "brick".

Aline's brick can reach the speed of 1024mph when in slow motion.
I dunno... Is it that quick?

If emos still exist in the world, it's because Aline likes to sleep too much to brick them all.
Wh-what? But they... Whatever.

Aline doesn't die; Death is ultimately scared of Aline.
But I died once-- Nevermind =_='

Last time someone made fun of Aline's height, there were dinosaurs in Earth in that timeline. In our current timeline, they're extinct. Bricks were discovered in many parts of the globe.
What? It's a lie! ;A;

For Aline, cake is never a lie. And it's always chocolate flavored.
'>A>

When Aline speaks in Portuguese, everyone understands. Even if they don't want to.
O quê? D:

When zebras run, it's a lion. When lions run, it's Aline in chocolate withdrawal.
Maybe that might be true somehow ;A;

If Aline ever gets PMS'd, in chocolate withdrawal and bored at the same time, the world ends.
Haha, very funny... >_>

Aline doesn't sleep, the Universe shuts down to her.
THAT'S ENOUGH! STOP! '>A<

Ayla Kurone was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when she managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
Ayla: I thought it meant 24 milliseconds...
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Ayla Kurone can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Ayla: Okay I'd pay to see that.
When Ayla Kurone plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy.
Ayla: I play Scrabble ._.;

And my all time favourite:
Google won't search for intercourse because it knows you don't find it; intercourse finds you.

If you spell Kurisu Koorine wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Kurisu Koorine?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Kurisu: >=D dam right no-one mispells my name

1.- The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Katarina Sokkyoune played in second grade.
2.- Katarina Sokkyoune puts her pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then she kills people.
3.- According to the Bible, God created the universe in six days. Before that, Katarina Sokkyoune created God by snapping her fingers.
4.- The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for Katarina Sokkyoune
5.- Katarina Sokkyoune describes human beings as "a sociable holder for blood and guts".
6.- Katarina Sokkyoune sheds her skin twice a year.
7.- We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Katarina Sokkyoune.
8.- Katarina Sokkyoune did not "lose" her virginity, she stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice.
9.- Not everyone that Katarina Sokkyoune is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
10.- For Spring Break '07, Katarina Sokkyoune drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.

tl;dr: KATA WANTS TO KILL YOU D: And she created God. lol

There are only two things that can cut diamonds; other diamonds, and Yume Barauta.
Pretty much true...
Yume: My death scythe can cut anything! 8D

Yume Barauta doesn't step on toes; she steps on necks.
Right, sure.
Yume: *to random passerby* Oh, sorry, did I step on your neck? *reaps soul*


Whoever said "Only the good die young" was probably in Yume Barauta's kindergarten class.
*looks up when that was said* Impossible. Yume was in kindergarten in 1879, during which Billy Joel was not alive. Unless someone said it first.
Yume: Awww, I wanted them all to be true. D:

Yume Barauta doesn't see dead people. She makes the people dead.
That's. So. True.
Yume: It's my job~!

Yume Barauta describes human beings as "sociable holders of blood and guts".
*shifty glance at Yume*
Yume: Not true. I called them "sociable and rather pleasant vessels for souls to travel in until you tear them open at the end of their far-to-short lifespan". And that was before I met Ritsu-kun and Reni-nee-sama... Now I like them better.

Guns don't kill people. Yume Barauta kills people.
In a manner of speaking, yes.
Yume: As I said, it's my job.

Yume Barauta does not know where you live, but she does know where you will die.
Indeed.
Yume: *checks death list* Oh hey there, Guest.

Phoenix Honoone destroyed the periodic table, because Phoenix Honoone only recognizes the element of surprise.
Surprises are nice, I guess.......WAIT~! Are you calling me stupid...? ;A;

Phoenix Honoone invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
W-what~? I said I'm not stupid!

Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into Phoenix Honoone while he was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
I would never hurt anyonemaybe.....and I can't swim ;3;

Phoenix Honoone can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
But it doesn't taste very good =v=

Phoenix Honoone doesn't chew gum. Phoenix Honoone chews tin foil.
That doesn't sound very good...

Bullets dodge Phoenix Honoone.
Invincible~? Yay~



Aa....the naive little shota......
Hey~!!!

Shima destroyed the periodic table, because Shima only recognizes the element of surprise.


Simply by pulling on both ends, Shima can stretch diamonds back into coal.


Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, but Shima beats all 3 at the same time.


Aww yeah. B)

OH GOD I USED THIS BEFORE

Putting in "Aster Selene" (since it's no fun using Hana):

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be Aster Selene.
Aster Selene does not sleep. She waits.
While urinating, Aster Selene is easily capable of welding titanium.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Aster Selene fight.
Not everyone that Aster Selene is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Mr. T once defeated Aster Selene in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe. In retaliation, Aster Selene invented racism.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Aster Selene is worth 1 billion words.
Aster Selene starts everyday with a protein shake made from Carnation Instant Breakfast, one dozen eggs, pure Colombian cocaine, and rattlesnake venom. She injects it directly into her neck with a syringe.
Aster Selene can hit you so hard that she can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

After taking a steroids test, doctors informed Kurisu that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Kurisu cannot predict the future; the future just better do what Kurisu says.

Kurisu smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Kurisu's personal chef.
Kurisu: i can cook O_O!

Kurisu will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

The First rule of zin is: you do not talk about zin.
zin let the dogs out.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. zin killed the cat. Every single one of them.
D=

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. zin hears it. zin can hear everything. zin can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

XD haha this thing is awesome.

Seiji cannot love, he can only not kill.
OHSHIT MEIMU, RUN-!! XD
8 | That is blatantly untrue.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Seiji didn't kill you in your sleep.

8D At least it is when you're Mole.

Seiji once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Damn. straight. 8D
...Really, now. I have enough on my plate, I doubt I could deflower an entire ISLAND. : |

People have often asked the United States, What is your secret weapon against terrorists? We simply reply...Hokuro.

Better not mess with us, Hokuro will nap on you until you DIE! 8C
...What.

Hokuro crossed the road. No one has ever dared question her motives.

Spoiler:

Sakanne once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio, and all of its residents.

-Woh, she's more strong than me lawl x'D

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Sakanne likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

-I see there's this prejudice again uu" x3

Albine does not know where you live, but she knows where you will die.

-O__O Creepy my little Albine....

If you gave Albine a typewriter and 0.000000000000000000001th of a second she can write the Complete Works of Shakespeare

- 8OOOOOO

The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare Sakura Cerise took when she was younger. However, in Sakura Cerise' case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.

-Very energic x')

The First rule of Sakura Cerise is: you do not talk about Sakura Cerise.

- O.O

When Kei Den gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

- O__O *faints* Keiii, why are youuu so impolice nooooow ? T________T

Kei Den has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

-O.O""

Rose doesn't step on toes. Rose steps on necks.

-Congratulations Rose, you're very acrobatic OwO

In an emergency, Rose can be used as a floatation device.

-It's true, she's a mermaid too x'D (and she swims better than me i_i )

Olive beat the Sun in a staring contest.

-When someone has south origins too x'DD

Olive built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to her door.

-Lawl, Woyane inspired her xD

Lavande ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

- ?

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Lavande has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

-She has a flower name, it explains it x)

Kotoko can tie her shoes with her feet.

-Woh O.O

Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Kotoko. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Kotoko.

-"Power of Amethyst, Deep relaxation ! >DDD"

Sabine is so bad she makes viruses sick. As such, Sabine is also responsible for the eradication of smallpox.

-Great ^^

Sabine played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

-Lol, she was inspired by Gordon xDD

Iris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

-"C'était la fille du faaacteuuuur...[...] A bicycleeeetttteuuuuh♪"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9Ydri8Ekow

Iris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before her first space expedition.

-She can fly so....xD

Victoire never goes to the dentist because her teeth are unbreakable. Her enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.

-She resisted to centuries O.O

Victoire is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.

-EAsy for her r_r ...Hehe, Victoire, Time adventurer x'D *shot*

Time waits for no woman. Unless that woman is Woyane.

-Time is wait for her who waits for Sabine as Barney for Gordon xD

The word 'Kill' was invented by Woyane. Other words were 'Die', 'Beer', and 'What'.

-No comment x'DDDDDDDD

Hmm...

Shizu once created a flamethrower by urinating into a lighter.
H-Huh? Heizen would do something like that...not me.

Shizu is not only a noun, but a verb.
Wait, what? Well, it's an adjective, too.

When Shizu does push-ups, she does not push herself up. She pushes the Earth down.
If only I was that strong...

Bullets dodge Shizu.
They do...? Well, I've never been hit by one...

Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Shizu to kill you...Fourty seven times.
C-can someone actually die that many times...?

Shizu will never have a heart attack. Her heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack her.
...it's likely that this is true...if only...

Shizu cannot love, she can only not kill.
*sigh* Nope. Incorrect. False.

The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Shizu. This amuses Shizu because she is bulletproof.
...from that one time...if maybe...no, probably not...

Shizu was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.
U-um... I won a fight with a knife, but it was against someone else...

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Shizu is on.
Huh? Well, they avoid other things... Not just me...