I'm Sorry.

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    R.K.

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    Join date : 2010-08-24
    Age : 22
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    UTAUloid or Project: Hana Chikako
    Blog/Website: http://hana-chikako.weebly.com/index.html
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    I'm Sorry.

    Post by R.K. on Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:40 pm

    Er... My vent buddy (as in, someone designed to take large rants and stuff and make the person feel better) isn't on at all today and, unless I type or write something into some sort of responsive ether, I'll bottle it up and it'll probably kill me... >_>; So, if you're going to read it, cool... if not... Sorry for leading anyone into this topic (since I don't even know if I'm allowed to do this).
    Spoiler:

    I needed my vent buddy today to specifically blow up about how useless I am. Today, at studies, I discovered just how talentless I am.
    Let's start with intelligence.
    My test scores are quite honestly the worst in my class. I am pretty sure I am bordering on mentally retarded. My choir teacher even admitted to this when I kept going off count. I'm aware of the fact I'm, by legal definition, slow in the fact that I can't absorb knowledge... Hell, I'm probably slow when it comes to knowledge in general. No talent there.
    Artistically - Drawing.
    To be quite honest, I will never learn how to draw properly. I tried learning with books and manuals. I cannot take in the knowledge. At all. I cannot even draw stick figures correctly. No talent there either.
    Computer Programming.
    I know absolutely nothing when it comes to computer programming. I mean, sure, after I read (a few times actually) a guide on how a specific game works, I'll be able to run it smoothly... The most advanced thing I can do is probably run UTAU without yielding any problems. I'm willing to put forth total confidence in how I wouldn't know what to do if it suddenly weren't to work for me (if you didn't understand that, I basically said I know how to work it now, but if something changed, I'd probably just ask for help as usual). No talent.
    Artistically - Music.
    I tried out for a specific vocal group in my choir. I didn't make the cut after four years now. I'll take the hint. I suck at singing. My voice is terrible. I am willing to put forward that I have the worst voice in this fandom. My choir teacher actually announces in public (even in class) how sick she is hearing how gritty and hoarse I sound, even though I cannot help it. My diaphragm is abnormal by medical definition. I'm thinking of losing my dreams of becoming anything major in terms musical. No talent.
    Artistically - Musically - UTAU.
    Well, other than my UTAU being total, unoriginal unripe doo-doo covered banana, I can't really do anything amazing with it either. I can't make amazingly awesome .USTs or .VSQs of songs. I can't make originals either because of the fact I know nothing about music (even though I'm in a Music Theory class, go figure). I can only copy-paste, really. I tried making pitch-bends... to make it seem like I actually worked on it and stuff... bah. It made my UTAU sound like he had a cold. I suck at that. My samples are always going to be bad because my stipend won't allow me to grab a good quality microphone. I can't mix well, either. I looked up tutorials... endless tutorials... I can't do it, like, seriously. I can try, yes. But there's a high percent chance I will fail. I can't make oto.inis either. I tried that (for my CV VC, which I have no idea why I recorded now that I think about it) already. I don't know why I'm still trying, really. And I've been trying ever since the day I started (July 24th-ish)... a long time. Maybe I should just give up. Absolutely no talent here.
    Artistically - Acting.
    I tried out for acting not too long ago. I was rejected harshly and was discouraged from trying to become interested in the Acting department by another teacher. Pretty obvious.
    Attitude.
    I'm weird and I'm just, yeah... not good (as many of you can probably tell? I think... I dunno). As you can probably see, I'm an attention-beautiful enchanting mesmerizing princess... or a dramatic-beautiful enchanting mesmerizing princess. Something like that. I dunno.

    So I basically am just like, a waste of space.
    Again, sorry for all of the negativity guys. It won't happen again. I will most likely find an ancillary vent buddy or something like that... but until then can you all let this one slide? I'd like support or even validation. Yes. I admit it. Thank-you all for tolerating this.


    Last edited by R.K. on Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:50 pm; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Fail grammar needed some corrections.)

    Aisu

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    Re: I'm Sorry.

    Post by Aisu on Thu Oct 14, 2010 3:58 pm

    Hey, I hope you'll feel better soon... .n.

    Um, here's a piece of advice, as an optimist: Even when things seem really really bad, take one minute to smile. Real smile, fake smile, doesn't matter - your expression affects your thoughts and that has been proven scientifically. (I'm only suggesting something that I learned to do over time... You don't really have to do it.) It really helps, at least in my opinion, even if it's hard to get used to.

    Also - the fact you dared you post this, even if it's negative, means you're brave enough to do that. I don't have the guts for something like this. xD So here's one quality for ya, even if I don't know you really.

    Sorry if this isn't the kind of response you wanted.

    P.S - Being weird is never bad unless you're insane and attempting to commit homicide. And making VSQs/USTs is a matter of practice that takes a while.
    Think more positively of yourself :cc

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