Original song WIP. (Ragdoll)

Sitting on a toy box, ribbons in my hair
Button eyes gleaming with joy
"Hello, Dollie!" my best friend greets me
I am her favorite toy
Forever...

*ripping sound effect lolwut*

Oh, no!
Please, don't cry!
I can fix this, I can fix me!
I can change for the better!

*I sew myself some brand new skin
And make myself whole once again
I'll show my friend, and she will see
It's safe again to love me

Hello, my friend, it's nice to see you here!
Look, I am much better now!
Wait, don't go, why do you look scared of me?
Do not leave me here all alone
Again...

*I will rip apart, I will rearrange
All that I am, I will change
I'll become my friend, and then she'll see
It's safe again to love me

(Why have you forsaken me?)

*rip sound again*

The part between the last verse and the forsaken me thing I plan on explaining through a PV. I wrote this song because I remembered once when I was little, I broke the head off of one of my toys and after that I was afraid of it Y'know, because it didn't have a head. XD But I thought I would make the toy feel bad because I didn't play with it anymore...

I like it in English, but if I make it for UTAU, then it'd have to be in Japanese...because I've started adding Chirune's English, and she sounds...just awful. XD (I could use another UTAUloid, but I'd like versatility, and for UTAU, Japanese is versatility.) So, if I could get it translated, that'd be great...
otherwise...feedback?

I absolutely love the whole idea behind the song, and the lyrics are awesome^^ I could try to help you translate it if you want, but I'm nowhere near being fluent in Japanese -_-'

i think you shouldn't put the "rip" sound at the beginning... maybe just add some random thing of the kid playing with the toy...?

moeloid wrote:I absolutely love the whole idea behind the song, and the lyrics are awesome^^ I could try to help you translate it if you want, but I'm nowhere near being fluent in Japanese -_-'

Thank you! ^^ And I'm sure that your translation would be better than mine, if you'd like to help. XD

Ezri wrote:

moeloid wrote:I absolutely love the whole idea behind the song, and the lyrics are awesome^^ I could try to help you translate it if you want, but I'm nowhere near being fluent in Japanese -_-'

Thank you! ^^ And I'm sure that your translation would be better than mine, if you'd like to help. XD

I'd be happy to help :3 (but be warned, the translation might make no sense at all...orz)