Can someone please check these lyrics?

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    Chasing Fireflies

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    Can someone please check these lyrics?

    Post by Chasing Fireflies on Sun Oct 03, 2010 12:07 pm

    Sorry for all the "original song" spam, but I attempted some Japanese lyrics and I'd like to make sure they at least... kind of make sense before I make the UST for the vocal part. owo;; So I would be ETERNALLY grateful if someone who is better at Japanese than I am could check these over for mistakes, etc. S-Sorry, I hope they're not totally lame... I'm really not that good at writing lyrics, orz

    Spoiler:

    In this dark forest
    fukai mori ni
    深い森に

    Tonight I search again
    konya mo chido chigasu
    今夜も再度捜す.

    The path is twisted
    michi wa magatteiru
    道は曲がっている。

    But still I keep walking
    soredemo ugoki tsuzukeru
    動き続ける。


    Eyes closed
    me o tojite
    目を閉じて

    I go in circles
    グルグル回っている
    guruguru mawatte iru

    Eyes closed
    me o tojite
    目を閉じて

    I count to ten
    too made kakeru
    十まで数える


    Do you want to be found?
    kimi ga mitsuketa ni naritai no?
    君が見けたになりたいの?

    Do I want to find you?
    kimi o mitsuketa ni naritai no?
    君を見けたになりたいの?

    Are you really the one who's lost?
    honto no maigo ga kimi ka?
    ほんとうの迷子がキミか?


    In this dark forest
    fukai mori ni
    深い森に

    Tonight I search again
    konya mo chido chigasu
    今夜も再度捜す.

    Until this game is over
    kono GAME no owari made
    このゲームの終わりまで

    I can't rest
    kyuusoku shinai
    休息しない


    Eyes closed
    me o tojite
    目を閉じて

    I get dizzy
    furufuru mayoute iru
    ふるふる迷っている

    Eyes closed
    me o tojite
    目を閉じて

    I hear you laugh
    warai ga kikoeru
    笑いが聞こえる


    Do you want to be found?
    kimi ga mitsuketa ni naritai no?
    君が見けたになりたいの?

    Do I want to find you?
    kimi o mitsuketa ni naritai no?
    君を見けたになりたいの?

    Are you really the one who's lost?
    honto no maigo ga KIMI ka?
    ほんとうの迷子がキミか?


    You took my eyes, my heart, my life
    me mo kokoro mo seimei mo kimi wo mesumareta
    目も心も生命もキミを盗まれた

    All I ask for is yours in return
    KIMI shika hoshii no da
    キミしかほしいのだ

    Am I really the one who's lost?
    honto no maigo ga BOKU ka?
    ほんとうの迷子がボクか?


    I want to win
    kachitai
    もう、 勝ちたい

    I want to lose
    maketai
    もう、 負けたい

    I want to smile again
    futatabi bishoushitai
    再び微笑したい

    I want to wake up
    sametai
    もう、 覚めたい


    Ah, I've found you.
    aa, mitsuketa
    あぁ、見い附けた


    Here's the music, if you want to listen. Again, thank you SO SO much to anyone who can help. ;w;

    Mayuen

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    Re: Can someone please check these lyrics?

    Post by Mayuen on Sun Oct 03, 2010 1:44 pm

    It doesn't sound lame, it sounds really cool~
    But I suck at japanese so I can't help you with that :c

    Ezri

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    Re: Can someone please check these lyrics?

    Post by Ezri on Sun Oct 03, 2010 6:17 pm

    I'm a bit of a semi-beginner at Japanese, but from the quick look I took at it I think it's mostly correct. ; w ; Although, for the meaning you want, I think "kurai" would be more accurate than "fukai" for "dark"... >w> "Fukai" means "profound", not "dark".

    I might look into some stuff a little more, but I think most of it is fine. OTL

    I LOVE the music and lyrics, though. <3

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    Re: Can someone please check these lyrics?

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