That mermaid from the riverside (a JarredxHayao crackfic)

It all started when Jarred found that mermaid on the riverside. He obviously took it home to care for it. I you'd find a naked person on the ground you'd do the same. Especially when you're still single. So he put it down in a bath filled with salty water after watching some movies about mermaids to see how he should take care of it. There were no books of it, naturally, so films should be the perfect substitute. And he sat down there, watching his mermaid be out cold.

Untill said mermaid opened it's eyes. He sat up, looking around. "Where am I? And why am I in a bath with such salty water?" Jarred looked at the mermaid. "You're in my house." It apparently didn't notice him before he spoke. "And the salty water is supposed to be good for mermaids." The mermaid stayed silent for a while. "Dude, I'm no mermaid." It stood up. "Look. Male. And legs." Jarred shrug. "You're sick, according to the movies I read. And why would you be lying naked next to the river if you aren't a mermaid?" Silnce again. "Well... About that...", the mermaid mused. "Anyway, I'm Jarred. Welcome in my house.", Jarred bowed, and the mermaid bowed back. "Hayao. Male. No mermaid." Jarred didn't reply. "You have name that can be pronounced in human language?" Hayao rolled his eyes. Then noticed he was naked. And wet. "I saw one mermaid movie too, and they were screwing everywhere." Jarred suddenly noticed it too. "I didn't touch you. I didn't get you here for sex." Hayao fell down in the bath again. "Too bad. I always wanted to have sex on top of a fridge..."

Jarred put down the plates. "Dinner's ready!" Hayao got up from the chouch. "Great, I'm starving!" But when he saw his food, he wasn't satisfied. "I don't eat raw fish Jarred. Maybe sushi, but not like this. With skin and eyes and things like that." Jarred looked at the fish. "But mermaids..." Hayao sighed and rolleed his eyes again. "I'm not a mermaid!" He sat down and looked as his 'food'. "We can share mine if you want.", Jarred said. He noticed his mermaid didn't approve of his meal. Hayao took the invitation and put his chair close to Jarred's. "So, why did you come to shore? To mate or something?" Hayao nearly choked on his food, but kept his cool. "do I look like I can have babies?" Jarred took a good look. "You're kinda flat-chested, but maybe all mermaids are like that..." Hayao sighed and hung his head. "It's good you're cute, else I would've hit you a long time ago..." Jarred smiled. "Really cute...", Hayao muttered. "If you want to mate though...", he added, hoping Jarred did pick up on the hint. "Right now? Dinner's not finished yet!" Hayao shrugged. "Are you sure you want to have my babies?", Jarred asked, looking seriously concerned. Hayao slammed his head on the table. "if I say yes, would you sleep with me?" Jarred nodded. "Yes, I want to bear your children. Can we please deflower the fridge now!" Jarred grinned. "No problem, lovely mermaid!"

Hayao looked at the riverside. Jarred stood next to him. "You have to get back to your kingdom...", he muttered. "For the last friggin' time, I'm not a mermaid!", was the reply. They looked at the water. Both not totally convinced on their actions. "Say Jarred...", Hayao started. "Why can't I stay with you?" Jarred shrugged. "It's mermaid-magic, I dunno about those things. You're supposed to be the professional." He started walking, leaving Hayao at the riverside. "Well, take care.", he said. Hayao looked at him. "Damn. What now..."

Jarred was cleaning up the house when suddenly the doorbell rang. When he opened up the door it was Hayao. "You didn't go back yet?", he asked him. Hayao shook his head. "I talked to my father, and he told me I could stay... But only if you want it too... And... uhm... I couldn't come back... And... I can't get babies anymore..." He hung his head, hoping the thing he had come up with would work. Suprisingly, it did. "You want to sacrifice that, for me?" Hayao nodded. "All those movies ended the same way, right?" Jarred nodded. "Except for that one where the male became a mermaid too." Hayo rolled his eyes. "That is called a merman, Jarred. And I want to stay here. You don't need fins." He was suprised he caught onto the act so quickly, but didn't really care about it. Jarred smiled so beautifully... "Come on in, lovely mermaid." He held his hand out to Hayao, who gratefully took it and got pulled into the house. "No only if I can keep up with this mermaid-poopie...", he mumbled.