I feel worthless.

I don't know where to put this and I don't really care...

I'm just so tired of my life.
Why does everyone hate me? Even myself...!
Myself especially, actually...

I'm never good enough. I can try my hardest but I'll never live up to my "precious" siblings.

No one even cares about me anymore.

And nobody will take me seriously when I say anything like this...!

I want to die.

But I'm afraid of death.....
And pain.....


I just really don't know what to do. I swear my mind has snapped...............

...
I'm.... sorry to hear that, but.... Who cares about the opinions of your siblings?
You don't need them.
Who cares if you live up to your precious siblings? Make your own goals in life, don't follow everyone else's directions all the time.
But I can tell you one thing-

If you kill your self, you just wasted everything that happened in your entire life.

Everything.

And no one wants that.
So cheer up! Have an ice cream or something!
Ah.... my teacher told me his view on the definition of the chinese word for "tomorrow". Do you want to know what that is?
"The next day is always brighter."

I am seriously tearing up on that definition right now...;w;

There's so much more that adds to this, but it would take days to say........
If my family wasn't so self-centered they would see what they do wrong...............

And there's not much in my life to waste, btw.

OI. CHEER UP. D<
Everyone goes through at least some unripe doo-doo covered banana in their life, and I could go on to describe 10 years of my own personal hell if I wanted to you're not the only one out there who feels like the world's swallowing them up.
So sure, many people might not seem like they're taking you seriously when you say you're unhappy but have you ever thought they might be trying to lighten the mood and make you feel better? I'm not saying "quit cutting yourself" or anything, but try to lighten up. We all have our bad days.

And there's not much in my life to waste, btw.

But there's a lot in your life to be hopeful about, is there not?

Suicide is not the answer, and lack of resilience is only going to make you look worse. I mean, one of my friends considered poisoning themselves and all that happened was they ended up in hospital looking like a complete idiot. And like Lupin said, the next day can be brighter if you intend it to be.
I mean, once you've killed yourself, well... do you want someone to stand at your grave and laugh at you because you gave up so easily?

And like previously said, who ever decided to make you the lesser one? Do what YOU want to do, be different and out there and be who YOU are. Not what your siblings and parents all do, but what you personally want to do. If they're all football players, blow their minds and become a doctor. If they pick on you, go start your own goals and live up to them. It's your life and you have control over it.

But don't go wasting yourself away over something you can change. Go face that fear right in the face and say "I refuse to put up with this poopie any longer". Stand up for yourself and don't let anything get the better of you.

Because hey, it isn't as bad as you might think.
*hugtacklelove*

I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. I'd be lying if I said I'd never felt that way before. But even though I barely know you, I'd miss you if you were gone. ;w;

You can't say that your life doesn't hold much, your life's only just begun! :3 You have to give yourself the opportunity to accomplish things! You have to make your life meaningful, not your parents or anyone else! Try to focus on the brightness of tomorrow! >w<
(wow, I sound corny. XD)

-hugs-

If you're having serious thoughts about killing yourself, the first thing you should do is call a suicide hotline. Talking it out won't fix everything but it can definitely help a lot, especially at times like this when it feels like you can't take it anymore.

Remember that your siblings are your siblings, and you are you (well, no duh, but bear with me for a second). They have their set of strengths, and you have yours. If you wear yourself out trying to be like them, you won't get to develop your own unique set of talents, which would be a terrible waste. The most important thing you can do is keep looking for your own niche in life and not try to fit into someone else's idea of what it should be.

Also, that's not true at all. There's so much in your life to waste. Not just the past and what's already happened, but everything that's going to happen. I know it feels like life is never going to get any better, but you're still so young. Everything passes with time. Even if there's not much else you can do to change your situation, as long as you keep holding on, you're giving that change a chance to happen, and becoming a stronger person for it. Find something every day that makes you smile. It's not easy, but you don't have to do it alone. Even if you don't realize it, there really are people who care about you. I care, if that counts for anything. ;A; I bet this sounded really cheesy but I really hope it helps you at least a little bit. -hugs-

Guess what? I'm suicidal. Have been for a long time (since I was 11, in fact), but the only thing keeping me from snapping is freaking religion of all things...

And I've completely ruined any chance of me making anything out of my life after screwing up royally in sophomore year, so yeah, you probably have more going than I do.

@Aster: If you think 11's bad, I know someone who's been holding a grudge since they were only eight years old. And well, now they're nearly thirty >.>;

And like Chase just said, talking to someone about it really helps. I've found that bottling it up is the worst feeling ever and it's really not worth having to feel so bad.

Listen, I know how you feel. Like poopie. Like the world is against you. Like you don't matter at all. But you know what? It isn't true. Life is how you make it. Others can be a part of it, but if they ruin it badly then just ignore them. Build a bubble. Your own life, depending on you. You can never make everyone satisfied. There will always be someone who doesn't like you. There will always be something you can't do properly. That's life. Generally just a piece of poopie. It will only be fun when you make it fun. And I've been there. I've been depressed for a long, long time. I hated myself, hated my family, hated my friends. I felt like I wanted to die. But dying is not the answer, it's like running away after you broke a plate while doing the dishes. It won't solve anything. And then you die feeling miserable. You should die, being satisfied with your life. Proud of what you've done. Maybe you can't live up against some expectations, but you most certainly have your own talents. Things you like to do and things you are good at. That's what matters, what you can do, not what you can't do. And screw all the others. It's not their live. It is yours.

Why keep comparing some of their best talents with some of your worst defaults? If you really want to compare, make a good comparision (...is it how it's spelled? >.<), an equal one, please.

And if it might help, I know the real secret of happiness...even thought it's sometimes hard to see

It's...enjoy your present (that's why it's called present C= )

--
@BlackStatic I got them at 5, if this matters. But I don't think we're here to know who's the superhero who got them first xD

Thanks everyone....a lot.....

I really do want to follow my dreams...fulfill them...show everyone I'm worth something.

I'm trying to. I try my best to prove to them that I'm just as good than anyone else. I'm proving that to myself too. It's hard.

It's especially hard when I say, "I want to lose weight."
And my dad says, "You might never lose any weight because I was a bigger kid all my life."

Ouch. I'm not even that heavy.

Then the very same night he made an exercise area downstairs for my brother and came up with a work-out plan.


Everytime I try to do something they discourage me and encourage someone else to do it.
Right now my passion in life is drawing.

Guess who just got a whole bunch of art supplies?
Not me.
My brother did.

He just gave up on football and is now drawing.
For the time being.
He gives up on stuff all the time and leaves things half-done, but my parents spend wads of money.
They paid over $200 for his football junk.

But this isn't just about him. I just felt like ranting....


I know I can be great if I try. And man, do I try....
I need support from my family. I need them to be interested.

But that's still not what I'm trying to say...I'm no good with words......


Oh, now I remember. All my life I've depended on myself because I couldn't trust anyone. They never kept their promises and never helped me in the long run. So I get pretty lonely, y'know?

i know this is late because i haven't been on much >.<;
but i just wanted to say these things. though i do believe ari could do this better because of how you mentioned when you want something your siblings get instead and feel overlooked.

i am the lonely type, i've always screwed up and have tried to commit suicide at 8 years old. i had no friends because i moved alot and finally when i did get some friends they just stabbed me in the back everytime. i spent most of second grade and 3rd grade alone in a little play house under the jungle gym, unseen and not wanted.this is why i can relate to tsukasa from .hack//sign i could litterally see myself in her(it's usually why when someone asks about my past i just refer them to that series because it's identical to mine, it's just easier that way than to have to explain everything).
from the tantrums to the loneliness at school and home feeling like a prison just watching tv and old movies.

i don't necessarily have an education either (i only have a 5th grade education but i still understand basic quantum physics and psychology) and for years that held me back from everything and i could only wallow in regret. but finally when i was able to get away from the chaos i was able to see what needed to be done.

but now 22 years old i'm behind in everything and i'm just now trying to move forward, it's hard to say the least but i already knew this. i also have friends that don't want to hurt me and would never backstab me for the first time in my life.

so all i can say is find a place to go to. stay at your grandparents place or a friends for awhile because living in that chaos will and most certainly kill a person or someone else... and lastly don't DIE!! D;<
i won't forgive you if you do! you have a hard life and so did i! so i won't let you die no matter what! as long as i'm still breathing you're not allowed to die.
i swore to myself i would never die after attempting it at 8 years old, so you'll have to endure like i do.

Spoiler:

if you die now who knows what you could be.
my goal is to one day become a voice actor and i would love to learn more about anthropology
*copy/paste from wiki*
"Anthropology is the study of humanity. Anthropology has origins in the natural sciences, the humanities, and the social sciences."

moeloid wrote:Everytime I try to do something they discourage me and encourage someone else to do it.

That's just terrible. I say you keep at your passion and show the world that you can do it. Don't look at the bad things, look at the bright side.

It's your goal. Keep at it, we all support you, even if others don't.

when it comes to family my stepparents hate me

my now ex step dad use to abuse me physicaly and mentaly... he hated almost everything i did and always tryed ways to stop me from doing things i like, like taking the attena of the wireless router or disconnecting it so i couldn't go on the internet so that he can play his online game while he did drugs. im glad my mom left him a year ago.

my step mom complite doggy-woggie-poo, when i moved in to my dads for about the 7 months i lived there. she whould do onething or another to make my day bad. eather she would put me down and say that my mom never taught me anything. like lets say i clean my room but i left one sock in a cornner she whould say oh your mom didnt teach you how to clean. once she wanted me to dust my stuff well at my dads they use cloth and water and at my moms we used the swiffer thing so see says the same thing when i ask her how to do it... and soo on it was mainly about cleaning, and if i ever did something different from their house's norm she would say ur never going to keep a job if you do something a different way.... i just hated that she whould do that... did you know she also somehow made it so that my sister's mother (our dad and someone else's daugher im only her brother thogh our dad) doesn't want to have my sister around my step mom. that happened when she was 1 ya she is now 10 and i havent seen her since.

ugh how i hate my step parents...

its odd because the step parents i had since forever i hate but when eather my dad cheats or temp leaves his wife i am happy. and the person he goes out with is 1000000% better then that step person, same goes with my mom and her boyfriends.

eh the world is a odd place.

@zinfandel that's how my dad was but um worse i don't want to go into any kind of detail...

@.amuletdream i agree wholeheartedly but coming from my own experience that is very hard to do when there's no one there =/ it really depends on the situation (of course don't give up on what you want to do ever!). when it comes to family situations and the feelings, they can change faster than you can bat an eye. in my case i went to a lot of therapy and the only solution for me was to get out; stay somewhere else for awhile, but that's my case scenario, it could (and i hope) be better for moeloid. i was messed up from birth XD;;

try having a toddler so angry he picks up a large heavy metal bench over his head and tosses it, that's some epic rage there.

@nanashi ya I hear that alot are worse even though the were harsh I'm glad it wasn't to a point where it was life theateing and I always had away to get away from it even if it was basically living my life on the Internet creating better bonds with random people on it over my family and friends in real life or just going over to the other parents house once in awhile.

Hearing all these things make me glad I have two hard-working, loving parents who are always there for me, even when I feel down. they might be strict sometimes, but they always try to do what's best for me and my siblings. I seriously love them with every fiber of my existance.

But, back on topic. Your parents might be discouraging you, but that doesn't mean you can't do what you want anymore. I never got my stuff from my parents. I've been working since I was 13. So, maybe it helps to get a job. With co-workers, so you can get friends to talk with. Start earning your own money and spend it as you like. It'll make you independant. Your parents, if they really love you, will notice you are developing your own life and it's up to them if they'll react to it. If they don't, don't fuss over it. Just keep doing what you're doing. If they stay silent, they have nothing against it, right? And they have no reason to complaio about it later in your life, because they didn't do it now.

Spoiler:

Be courageous, and say you that you're a nice person...And without you, nice people will decrease and this world will be definitevely corrupted and lost for Humanity...