May I ask for the help of a fluent Spanish-speaker?

UtauReni wrote:I've been working on an original UTAU song lately. It's a Latin tune, and I have written Spanish lyrics for it. However, I have a limited knowledge of the language, and I want to make sure all the linguistics are in check.

Here's what I've got:

Cuando bailamos en la luz de las estrellas y la luna
Tu pelo se parece a raso y tus ojos, diamentes
En el cielo de noche, no hay futuro o pasado
Mi corazon llorando
La sangre en mis manos, todo yo quiero en mi vida,
es tu amor

Cuando bailamos, hay un fuego en nosotros corazones
No quiero la realidad, quiero solamente te beso todo el tiempo
Conozco que tu vas a comprender mis sentimientos
Cuando mueres
Tu amas ella solamente, pero ella es en su tumba
Me amas, por favor

Cuando bailamos, escuchando a la banda
Memoria viva, el fuego ardiendo
Tu sonrisa es
Una mentira
Pero te quiero
Cuando bailamos

My English translation:

When we dance in the light of the stars and the moon
Your hair is like satin and your eyes, diamond
In the night sky, there is no past or future
My heart is crying
The blood on my hands, everything I want in my life
is your love

When we dance, there is a fire in our hearts
I do not want reality, I just want to kiss you all the time
I know that you are going to understand my feelings
When you die
You love her alone, but she is in her grave
Love me, please

When we dance, listening to the band
Living memory, the fire burning
Your smile is
A lie
But I want you
When we dance




So if anything seems a bit wonky, either in the Spanish itself or the English translation I have, please let me know! Thanks!

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

irei1as wrote:vodKata fixes are correct. She speaks Spanish as main language after all, heh.

But let me try to make another adaption to Spanish. Take in count both traslations are right, but just with different dialects (the same way as USA English and UK English are both correct English but a bit different). You could also mix the lines so they can fit better the melody as they're mainly interchangeable.

Spoiler: