Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    smeen
    smeen

    Posts : 3113
    Notes : 7719
    Reputation : 96
    Join date : 2010-03-13
    Age : 28
    Location : Yuugi-Slavia

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Yuugi Hakune/Nubia
    Blog/Website: http://utauonline.com/yuugi/
    Status: Yuugi: Act 2 Released/Nubia: CV/VC Recorded

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by smeen on Fri Aug 06, 2010 11:19 am

    Since I was in a very good mood today I decided to write some lyrics. They were so awesome I immediately opened UTAU and started to fight work with Neko's English, which is actually very nice to work with. (Any more UTAU using this reclist? I wanna!)

    Anyway, I made a beta of the first verse, and I wanted some opinions/critique... If I'm not too bold to ask... It's not really good yet, but I'm psyched and hyper so I wanted to share.

    4 Shared link

    NEW LINK! NEW!

    The 4Shared link has the lyrics too. Tell me what you think of it please!


    Last edited by smeen on Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:28 am; edited 2 times in total
    irei1as
    irei1as

    Posts : 265
    Notes : 1007
    Reputation : 40
    Join date : 2010-05-13

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Valen Sodebades
    Blog/Website: www.youtube.com/user/irei1as
    Status: Almost there... but kinda failed

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by irei1as on Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:51 pm

    It's quite... uh... dark? I think I got a bit soul drained.

    I'm fighting with English now, too (but not original, of course, I can't do that) and I feel that adding more overlap to the note of "p" (hope -> "hou" "p") it makes it sound a bit less explosive sounding.

    But I actually don't speak English very much so can just ignore me.
    xMienaiTsubasa
    xMienaiTsubasa

    Posts : 295
    Notes : 765
    Reputation : 7
    Join date : 2010-05-29
    Age : 25
    Location : UK

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project:
    Blog/Website:
    Status:

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by xMienaiTsubasa on Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:04 pm

    Lol those lyrics o_o

    Uhmm, her English is a little choppy, but understandable. The song itself.. sounds more like a talkloid than a song to me at the moment. Maybe it'll sound different with backing instruments but it doesn't seem to have much of a tune.
    Mayuen
    Mayuen

    Posts : 163
    Notes : 514
    Reputation : 5
    Join date : 2010-08-04
    Age : 25
    Location : Sweden~

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: -
    Blog/Website: -
    Status: WIP, Oto.ini tweaking

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by Mayuen on Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:24 pm

    Those lyrics really showed you were hyper... lol

    But as xMienaiTsubasa said, it sounds a bit like a talkloid, but the english is good :3
    Ezri
    Ezri

    Posts : 620
    Notes : 1489
    Reputation : 52
    Join date : 2010-02-20
    Age : 26

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Chirune Kikyo
    Blog/Website:
    Status: Completed, but still being tweaked.

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by Ezri on Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:25 pm

    I think it's that the intervals seem to only be chromatic...it doesn't sound very much like a melody, but it's hard to tell without an instrumental. XD;
    I've never used an English UTAU so I can't really help you there. 8D

    ...*not at all phased by the lyrics* 8DDD
    avatar
    Guest
    Guest

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by Guest on Fri Aug 06, 2010 3:41 pm

    Agree with above ^^
    And sango312 made up the English sounds as she went along, so she's the only one with that reclist w=w
    smeen
    smeen

    Posts : 3113
    Notes : 7719
    Reputation : 96
    Join date : 2010-03-13
    Age : 28
    Location : Yuugi-Slavia

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Yuugi Hakune/Nubia
    Blog/Website: http://utauonline.com/yuugi/
    Status: Yuugi: Act 2 Released/Nubia: CV/VC Recorded

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by smeen on Sat Aug 07, 2010 5:41 am

    LOL, yeah, I know it sounds a bit too much talkloid... I was trying to get to sleep when suddenly I figured out what was wrong with it, so I'm editing the .UST now. Trying to learn as I go here.

    And those lyrics... Well... I tend to write dramatic, dark things when I feel happy. Ignore that. The lyrics get even worse after this so...

    And @irei1as, it's not a 'p'-sound, but a 'puh'-sound... So I need to watch out with that overlap, but I'll try it.

    Thanks for the critique, you guys!
    irei1as
    irei1as

    Posts : 265
    Notes : 1007
    Reputation : 40
    Join date : 2010-05-13

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Valen Sodebades
    Blog/Website: www.youtube.com/user/irei1as
    Status: Almost there... but kinda failed

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by irei1as on Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:29 am

    Oh, I have to use "fu" sometimes for "f", too.
    I use the envelope option to mute the vowel part. Not sure if that's the correct option (I feel it more precise than shortening the note) but it kinda works to me.
    smeen
    smeen

    Posts : 3113
    Notes : 7719
    Reputation : 96
    Join date : 2010-03-13
    Age : 28
    Location : Yuugi-Slavia

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Yuugi Hakune/Nubia
    Blog/Website: http://utauonline.com/yuugi/
    Status: Yuugi: Act 2 Released/Nubia: CV/VC Recorded

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by smeen on Sat Aug 07, 2010 6:32 am

    OK, thanks, I'll keep that in mind!

    EDIT:
    OK, so I did some things with the Envelope to make it less jumpy... Added more rests (You can never have enough of them) and changed the tone of some things. Also trying to get 'control' of pitch control... I tried addiong vibrato but it makes her sound like she's cold. xD

    Anyway, no changed lyrics. Link is here: LINK . Tell me what you think of it. I know it isn't done yet...
    xMienaiTsubasa
    xMienaiTsubasa

    Posts : 295
    Notes : 765
    Reputation : 7
    Join date : 2010-05-29
    Age : 25
    Location : UK

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project:
    Blog/Website:
    Status:

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by xMienaiTsubasa on Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:04 am

    It sounds a little smoother, but still a little tuneless ^^' Also the 'I hope' parts sound like 'I hopuh' and I'm finding it kind of annoying.. If you can you should probably cut off the 'uh' sound after the p.
    smeen
    smeen

    Posts : 3113
    Notes : 7719
    Reputation : 96
    Join date : 2010-03-13
    Age : 28
    Location : Yuugi-Slavia

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Yuugi Hakune/Nubia
    Blog/Website: http://utauonline.com/yuugi/
    Status: Yuugi: Act 2 Released/Nubia: CV/VC Recorded

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by smeen on Sat Aug 07, 2010 9:07 am

    OK, I'll do that.

    And I figured out the tune, I now need to edit the .UST...
    smeen
    smeen

    Posts : 3113
    Notes : 7719
    Reputation : 96
    Join date : 2010-03-13
    Age : 28
    Location : Yuugi-Slavia

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Yuugi Hakune/Nubia
    Blog/Website: http://utauonline.com/yuugi/
    Status: Yuugi: Act 2 Released/Nubia: CV/VC Recorded

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by smeen on Mon Aug 09, 2010 10:25 am

    Edited the 'puh'-sounds to make it 'p'... Tried a melody... It worked out for the first sentence if you ask me. But it sounded better in my head...

    4shared.com/audio/iibOXNf3/I_hope_part_one_beta_the_third.html
    xMienaiTsubasa
    xMienaiTsubasa

    Posts : 295
    Notes : 765
    Reputation : 7
    Join date : 2010-05-29
    Age : 25
    Location : UK

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project:
    Blog/Website:
    Status:

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by xMienaiTsubasa on Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:25 am

    smeen wrote:Edited the 'puh'-sounds to make it 'p'... Tried a melody... It worked out for the first sentence if you ask me. But it sounded better in my head...

    4shared.com/audio/iibOXNf3/I_hope_part_one_beta_the_third.html

    The 'hope' sounds a lot better ^^ The melody is improving too, although I know what you mean about it sounding better in your head >.< If you can sing what you're thinking, why don't you try singing into pitch monitor or something to get an idea of the tune?
    smeen
    smeen

    Posts : 3113
    Notes : 7719
    Reputation : 96
    Join date : 2010-03-13
    Age : 28
    Location : Yuugi-Slavia

    UTAU Information
    UTAUloid or Project: Yuugi Hakune/Nubia
    Blog/Website: http://utauonline.com/yuugi/
    Status: Yuugi: Act 2 Released/Nubia: CV/VC Recorded

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by smeen on Mon Aug 09, 2010 11:31 am

    Hmmm, sounds like a plan...

    I'll try that, thank you!

    Sponsored content

    Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ! Empty Re: Original song WIP (starring Neko Kanochi) CRITIQUE PLZ!

    Post by Sponsored content


      Current date/time is Fri May 29, 2020 12:53 am