The Human Sound (Original Song WIP, English) Critique/feedback?

    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:15 pm

    Here I go again with the english works-in-progress, lol.

    So I was fiddling with some loops that I found on a free loops website, and...somehow it turned into a song about an android.

    Because no one's written a song for Vocaloid/UTAU about an android before, right?

    *COUGHCOUGHKOKOROCOUGH *

    Anyway.

    So this android is supposed to be very basic. She's not supposed to feel, or express emotion. She's not that advanced.

    But when she actually comes into contact with a human for the first time, she witnesses his emotion, and later she starts to feel it herself. She calls it as a 'Human Sound', because that's the only way the engineers that made her could get her to remotely understand the phenomenon of a feeling.

    The song doesn't really have much of a plot, other than that.

    Here's the lyrics:

    I was told I'm incapable
    Of expressing emotion
    conscious thought was beyond my grasp
    I thought that this was true.

    Then I met a human being,
    Someone I wasn't meant to see,
    he smiled and spoke kind words
    and for the first time I got to see...

    (bridge)
    In my first few hours of running,
    I was told of a strange force,
    that came from deep within the living,
    they described it as a 'human sound'...

    (chorus)
    and I heard it for the first time,
    from a stranger,
    I never ever will forget the warmth,
    as it echoed through my sensors,
    and reached inside,
    to a place that I never knew,
    a Human Sound

    a human sound...

    He told me of a world outside
    of the building I'd never left,
    'take my hand,' he said, and we ran
    without ever looking back...

    (chorus)
    and I heard for the second time,
    from withtin
    I never ever will forget the warmth,
    as it echoed through my sensors,
    and came outside,
    from a place that I never knew,
    a human sound...

    a human sound...

    (refrain)
    some say I'm better than my makers,
    some say I'll never compare,
    but when I hear the Human Sound,
    I know that I have barely begun...

    and it comes from diferent places,
    every time,
    and I never ever will forget the warmth,
    as it echoes through my sensors,
    I feel alive,
    and it always seems to feel new,
    this human sound...

    this human sound...

    I love the Human Sound...

    (end)

    AAAAAnd here's the very first four lines put to that loop that started this whole mess:
    4shared.com/audio/7czJ6Vl6/Human_Sound_PV1.html

    Never mind the space after her first set of lyrics, that's where the next set is going to go...

    ANYway.

    So what do you guys think? Should I stop before I embarrass myself, or do I have something here?

    And does anyone have ides for a PV? 'Cause at the moment I'm thinkin' that I want to collab and make a PV with this song, when it's done. That's a ways off, but yeah...

    Any feedback would be welcome. Smile
    moeloid
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    Post by moeloid on Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:32 pm

    That sounds great! I think you should continue with it^^ It has such a catchy beat~
    numbarr3
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    Post by numbarr3 on Mon Jun 14, 2010 3:45 pm

    its good! :D

    i love the lyrics and beat! ^^
    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:26 pm

    moeloid wrote:That sounds great! I think you should continue with it^^ It has such a catchy beat~

    Thank you! I was listening to it for so long, I didn't know what to think of it anymore, lol.

    I'm glad people like it!

    *Runs off to add more*
    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Mon Jun 14, 2010 4:26 pm

    numbarr3 wrote:its good! :D

    i love the lyrics and beat! ^^

    Thank you! Smile
    MichiSuzune
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    Post by MichiSuzune on Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:50 pm

    OAO I like this~ very much. Looking forward to the finished version! >w<
    산쇼씨 (Sansyo-ssi)
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    Post by 산쇼씨 (Sansyo-ssi) on Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:55 pm

    Lol, I like the beat, and I can see where you're going with the lyrics. *v*
    ...However I think the third and fourth lines kind of contradict, ahaha.
    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:31 pm

    산쇼씨 (Sansyo-ssi) wrote:Lol, I like the beat, and I can see where you're going with the lyrics. *v*
    ...However I think the third and fourth lines kind of contradict, ahaha.

    ooh, hadn't thought of that--thanks for pointing that out!

    I'll have to go fix this now, haha. Smile
    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:32 pm

    MichiSuzune wrote:OAO I like this~ very much. Looking forward to the finished version! >w<

    thanks! Smile
    xMienaiTsubasa
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    Post by xMienaiTsubasa on Tue Jun 15, 2010 6:57 am

    It sounds really good so far. Yay for English original songs~
    smeen
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    Post by smeen on Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:21 am

    *works even faster on her own songs*
    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:25 am

    smeen wrote:*works even faster on her own songs*

    lol, GO GO GO! *waves flag*
    Trempush
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    Post by Trempush on Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:26 am

    xMienaiTsubasa wrote:It sounds really good so far. Yay for English original songs~

    Thanks! Smile
    smeen
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    Post by smeen on Tue Jun 15, 2010 8:27 am

    Thank you!

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